Best Excuses

The Top Ten Best Excuses in the World

These are the top ten best excuses in the world. Would you believe it? O.K. How about the top ten in Guam? Seriously, these excuses have been laboratory tested and are the result of extensive clinical trials. It was found that eight out of ten people who used them were able to avoid difficulty, awkwardness, trouble in relationships and legal problems. While there is no guarantee that they will work for you, many users have reported positive results by using them. Results may vary, depending upon credible delivery and gullibility factor of recipient. Side effects may include guilty conscience, loss of employment and physical injury. If symptoms persist longer than a week, consult a lucky 8 ball. Ask your doctor if using these excuses is right for you. Having said all of that, here they are;

The World’s Top Ten Best Excuses

  1. My wife wouldn’t let me out of the house.
  2. I was abducted by aliens.
  3. She looked 18 to me.
  4. I had temporary amnesia.
  5. I was captured by terrorists.
  6. I couldn’t find my keys.
  7. I locked my keys in my car.
  8. I’m schizophrenic and my other personality is a flake.
  9. My evil twin did that.
  10.  It’s only me and not my mind that is confusing things.

How to use these excuses

Always look your excuse recipient directly in the eyes while delivering your excuse. Everyone knows that people look away from you when they are lying. Always do a bit of research about your excuse and be prepared to answer any questions. For example, if you tell someone you were abducted by aliens, which aliens were they; the Greys or the Sirians? (Everyone knows that only the Greys abduct people.) Be prepared to describe what their ship looked like, (they make them out of tinfoil) and what size probe they used on you. It’s also a good idea to keep a log on what excuses you have used on who and when. Even the best excuses will fail if you try to use the same one on the same person more than once.


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